A reader asked Kiplinger's Wealth Wise column whether borrowing money from an elderly father without his knowledge makes financial sense. The short answer: it doesn't, for both practical and ethical reasons.
Borrowing from a parent without their knowledge creates immediate problems. First, your father will eventually discover the missing money, damaging trust when he can least afford emotional stress. Second, undisclosed family loans often spiral into resentment and conflict that poisons relationships during years when aging parents need family support most.
From a financial standpoint, secret borrowing ignores better alternatives. If you need cash, you have clearer options. Personal loans from banks or credit unions carry transparent terms and fixed rates. Many offer amounts between $1,000 and $50,000 with APRs ranging from 6% to 36% depending on your credit. A 0% introductory APR credit card works for short-term needs if you can pay the balance before interest kicks in. Even a home equity loan or HELOC offers lower rates if you own property.
Borrowing from an elderly parent introduces financial vulnerability you should avoid. If your father needs that money for medical care, assisted living, or in-home support, you've blocked his access to essential funds. At 65 or older, his income likely doesn't replenish quickly, and healthcare costs climb fast.
The real issue here isn't whether your father can afford the loan. It's whether the loan arrangement protects both of you. An honest conversation works better. Tell your father why you need money and what repayment looks like. If he agrees to lend, document it formally. Put the terms in writing: the amount, interest rate if any, and payment schedule. This protects him if he needs to amend his will or plan for long-term care expenses.
If he refuses or can't help, that